Dating can be tricky, especially when you are trying to play it cool so as not to appear too "high maintenance" or "clingy". It's good to be relaxed and easy going in your relationship, but when we try too hard to let the other person just be, we end up forgetting what we wanted in our partner to begin with and settling for something we don't want at all.

When I was a teenager, my mom told me to make a list of the top 15 things I wanted in my future husband. I put things like "must love dogs" and "needs to have facial hair". They may not have been very deep, but they were important to me at the time. As I grew up, I would revisit this list over and over, revising and refocusing the things that were important to me. Some of the silly stuff stayed, like "has to be at least 6 feet tall", but I also crossed off the dog and facial hair requirements and added more important things. By taking this list seriously, I dug deep into myself and continued to question my desires until I knew what was real and what was superficial.

Take some time and make your own list of the 15 most important things you want in your partner. This first draft can be filled with pipe dreams – the bigger the better! Then revisit it every day, once a week, or once a month with fresh eyes. It's ok to have high standards when looking for who you want to date on dating websites or in your group of friends; you should want the absolute best in and for your partner, but after staring at this list for a month or three, you may begin to notice that some of the items on it are unrealistic. And, most importantly, you'll discover the things that stayed on the list from the first draft through the tenth. You will begin to discover what is truly important to you in the person you want to be with, the things you just can't compromise on, and what you are looking for when you meet guys and girls online on dating websites or in person. I think you'll be surprised to discover that some of those things may not be what you thought they were.

Don't make this list the end-all, be-all of the person you are looking for. Don't use it as a shield to block any request for a date, not giving anyone a chance who doesn't match all 15 points exactly; instead, use it as a guide to sort out the truly wrong matches for yourself. Be mindful of what you've found to be important to you, and don't compromise on those things.

You might find that you can only come up with 10 things that are truly that important to you. Maybe it's only five. That's ok! Discovering what you want in your partner is an introspective journey that will help you discover who you are and what you want. Enjoy it and don't forget to put some silly stuff on there just for the fun of it; because, you know what? My husband does love dogs and he only shaves when I ask him to.